Embrace The Suck!

Happy Friday Friends,

PSA: This week’s post is not fluffy bunny’s & shiny happy people. You have been warned…

“Failing is good, you grow the most when you fail.”“Life is about the journey, not the destination.”“Hard choices, easy life. Easy choices, tough life.”That’s some BS right there! Who actually wakes up when they’re 2 weeks deep in the suck and thinks “YES! Life is average but I’m gonna be so much stronger when it’s done. I love it!”

Your self-help guru, your business coach and the 50 other influencers you follow on social media are romanticising the bad times. Sure, I’ve even done it in a few previous newsletters. I’ve tried to see the glass as half full. But, sometimes we need to accept that life is hard as F@#$! And it sucks!

Life can be a shit-eating competition.Let’s not dress things up. It feels like shit to fail.It feels like shit to feel like no one cares about you.It feels like shit to think there is no glory at the end of the current war you’re fighting.It feels like shit to know that no one is coming to save you.

In movies, we love to watch the “glory scenes”. You know them; most of the time there’s a montage, very little talking, and dramatic music playing. Picture Rocky Balboa running through the city and then up those now-famous stairs. Those stairs signify - he is past all the hard work and is now ready to win the big fight.

The problem is that in the movies the glory scenes last a couple of minutes and always end well for the hero. In reality, those scenes can last for years. At that point, when you’ve been battling for that long, there is nothing glamorous about it. There’s no CGI montage or motivational music playing. In real life, there is a consistent lack of certainty and glory.

Apparently, everyone successful has a sob story and has had to fight some diversity. You can’t follow anyone on social media now who doesn’t have a sob tale about their life and how they’ve “overcome so much” to be the greatest.

Let me tell you a quick story.

When I moved to Australia I auditioned for Master Chef. I arrived from London and was searching for what I wanted to dive into. My sister convinced me to apply for the show. I didn’t have anything sorted so I thought why the hell not, I’ll do it for a good story. My application was too late for the Sydney auditions but the producers called and said they liked my videos and my recipes. They asked if I'd fly to Melbourne for a few days. Of course, I did.

So, I’m in the middle of the “mystery box” challenge when the camera comes past my station with one of the producers to interview me. Producer: “Hey Jarren, so what did you have to give up to come audition for Master Chef?” Me: “Umm, nothing really, I recently got to Aus from London and don’t have a job yet…”Producer: “Ah, ok. So if you get through to the finals and have to join us in the house for 3 months what would you have to give up?” Me: “Umm, nothing really. My wife and I recently moved here, we’re still living with her parents and settling in. So, I would miss her but 3 months is not too long.”Producer: ”Ahh. OK, thanks Jarren.”

In hindsight, if I’d have wanted to win or be a chef I should have made up some sob story. I may have had a better chance of making it into the final group.Because sob stories attract viewers and viewers = $$$.Why do we need the sob story? Not everyone has one. Not every good thing in life comes from hard times. Are you telling me that in order to be successful I have to hate the world and have some giant chip on my shoulder? I can’t reconcile that in my brain. Or, are these the only stories we’re reading and hearing about?

No one wants to talk about the kid whose parents didn’t get divorced. Who was popular at school, got good grades, and went to a good university because they worked hard. Found a good job because they were smart and kept progressing and getting promoted because they had ambition and drive. They’ve had a pretty good life so far. Are we saying there is NO ONE like this? Come on!

I mean I’ve had rough times. I’ve been down. I’ve lost partners, jobs and family members too soon. But, I don’t have this “f*ck the world” mentality. Should I have to? I’ll be honest, I sometimes wish I did. With the skewed line of thought that if I did then maybe I’d be more successful or happier.

Then I remember the millions upon millions of people who grow up with no water, no food, no jobs, no roof over their heads. They stay in that world until they get old. They’ve had it far worse but their lives never improve. When I think about them, I am happy I don’t have bigger problems or a sad story.

We all know those stories we're fed; where people face challenges, overcome them, and emerge victorious. It's the formula Hollywood loves, the plot twists we devour in books, and even the bite-sized narratives that flood our social media feeds. But let's be real - life rarely plays out like a perfectly scripted movie. Endings aren't always neatly resolved, and not every struggle holds a deep, life-changing lesson. In fact, the pressure to find profound meaning in every difficult situation can sometimes add unnecessary stress to our lives.

Experts in happiness and well-being have challenged this narrative. Dr Brene Brown, a thought leader on vulnerability, reminds us that owning our own story can be tough. But, it's far easier than running from it. And sometimes, part of owning our story means accepting that not every problem has a profound lesson hidden within. Occasionally, a problem is just a problem, without a grand life lesson attached to it. And you know what? That's fine. It can even be freeing.

In his book "Thinking, Fast and Slow," psychologist Daniel Kahneman introduces us to the concept of the "narrative fallacy." He explains how our brains have a tendency to create stories around facts, even when those stories aren't entirely true. It turns out that our inclination to craft narratives around our struggles might be more of a cognitive flaw than a path to enlightenment.

Let's also acknowledge that life's challenges aren't always constructive. Clinical studies consistently show that major stressors like unemployment, relationship breakdowns, or health issues can have long-term negative effects. And, they don't always lead to some sort of incredible personal growth. So, we need to tread carefully before glorifying struggles as stepping stones to some mythical higher existence.

So, what's the main point here?

Here's the takeaway: Resist the urge to glamorise or seek profound meaning in every obstacle you encounter. Life isn't a movie script with every problem serving as a setup for a triumphant third act. Often, a problem is just that—a problem, no more, no less. And you know what? That's okay. When we let go of the need to turn every hardship into a captivating story, we create room to cope in a more authentic and effective way. We become unburdened by the weight of expectation.

We have to accept that life is hard. Sometimes we have to embrace the suck. And, hope this current scene doesn’t last too long.

Peace, love and muscles.

Jarren

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