“Every business needs a c***t”

I am sitting in the CEO’s office waiting for the over-hyped "business restructure". The worst-kept “secret” in the previous 6 months at the company is finally here. Two hours before the company-wide announcement I am lucky to get an inside track.

CEO: “Congratulations Jarren. This business restructure is a great opportunity for you... Sell, sell, bullshit, bullshit, bullshit.”

Jarren: “Thanks but what does this change look like for me?”

CEO: “First off you’ll be reporting to John…”

Jarren: “Thanks for the opportunity but I am going to have to pass.” 

CEO: “What do you mean you’ll pass?”

Jarren: “Let's ignore, for now, this promotion is a step down into middle management. Let's rather focus on the fact that I do not want to be reporting to John. As you've already made up your mind, I will be resigning. Thank you for the opportunity but I won’t be taking it. You will have my resignation letter by COB.”

CEO: “What the %&*!! What the %&* is wrong with you people? It’s my %&* business. I can make any decisions I like!”

Jarren: “Correct. You definitely can. But, fortunately for me, I don’t have to stick around for the consequences of those decisions.”

CEO: “Let's talk about this for a moment Jarren. Don’t be so prissy princess.” 

I know that John is a c*nt. But trust me, every business needs a c*nt.”

Let that sentence sink in for a few moments. 

“Every business needs a c**t.”

I have had a personal “no dickhead” policy for my entire adult life. I don’t hang around dickheads. I don’t hire dickheads and I certainly refuse to work for dickheads. A very conscious set of choices. 

Now I’m being told I need to report to one thing worse than a dickhead. Not only that but I’m being educated on the fact that every business has a need for one.

Mind-boggling isn’t it. How are businesses built on the back of values like this? And my guess is that there are many.

After I laughed this off. Because what else is there to do? I changed my perspective. I thought about the learnings I could rather take away from the experience.

1. Don’t be a Dickhead!

I once worked in a startup where the CEO and founder told me he had only one rule. He had a “no dickhead policy”. He was referring to any new hires coming into the then-small company. But, he was also referring to any people down the track who decided to act like dickheads. 

In startup land this is not a new concept but, more often than not it’s marketing nonsense to attract talent.

It seems obvious. No one wants to work with dickheads. But, as the founder, he was serious about this and it flowed to everyone in the business. The result was an awesome culture both in and out of the office. The reason is quite simple, you breed a culture of people who enjoy being around each other. This in turn breeds creativity and collaborative problem-solving. In turn, customers will love you for solving their problems.

2. Actually, Give a Shit

Care about the people you work with! 

Their title doesn’t matter. 

You spend a lot of time with your colleagues so try to care a little. Ask people how they are. Be interested in their answers. This would be an excellent start. 

Get to know your colleagues over time and care about the things they care about. Pay attention to how your comments affect them. I wrote a little management piece on this topic.

3. Ego is the Enemy

In Ryan Holiday’s book of the same name, he talks about three parts of ego; entitlement, control, and paranoia. 

“Entitlement delivers tirades and pronouncements that exhaust the people who work for us, who have no choice other than to go along.”

“Control says, it must be done my way. A million pointless battles fought merely for the sake of exerting its say.”

“Paranoia thinks it can’t trust anyone. It says I am totally in this by myself for myself. It says I’m surrounded by fools.”

It’s as if Ryan knew my CEO. Which, of course, he didn’t but what it does show is that these are common themes. If you’re a leader, take a step back and ask yourself if this is you. If you have a leader who portrays these characteristics often. I suggest you take stock of where you are and what is important to you.

4. Integrity and Values 

Integrity isn’t mentioned by name very often in Stoicism. Probably because the Stoics expected each person to have integrity without practice. 

I’ve chosen the below paragraphs from Meditations by Marcus Aurelius.

"f you can find anything in human life better than justice, truthfulness, self-control, courage – in short, than the self-sufficiency of your mind both in the actions which it enables you to perform according to right reason and the events which are allocated by fate without your choice.

Never value as beneficial to yourself something which will force you one day to break your word, abandon your sense of shame, hate, suspect, or curse someone else, pretend, or desire something that needs the secrecy of walls or curtains. 

These speak for themselves and show how important integrity was to the Stoics. Don’t value anything that needs to be done behind closed doors. Embrace truthfulness. This takes courage and self-control but as a leader, you will thrive if you do so.

5. Culture Is Top Down

You can have great managers. You can hire awesome candidates. Together, all teams can work on culture. But, if the leader or even executive leaders are not on board, that will eventually filter down. It will infect the company like a virus. Senior managers can only shelter their teams from the shit fountain for so long. 

It works both ways. A leader who cares about their team builds a team who cares about their leader. 

Managers trying to swim upstream will soon show their exhaustion. Your colleagues won’t be blind to what is happening. The virus will spread and people will leave.

My hope is that only a few people will experience toxic bosses in their working careers. It is not a pleasant experience. But, if you find yourself in a similar situation don't be afraid to get out. Life is too short and there are many awesome humans who you can choose instead.