I Got to Have Faith

Happy Friday Friends,

Over the past month, I’ve celebrated two of the Jewish calendar’s most religious festivals. It was the Jewish New Year and also The Day of Atonement.

Each year when these roll around there are serious questions being asked and some serious discussions happening in our household. I don’t believe in God and don’t want to attend synagogue but my wife does and she'd like me to. This is challenging.We had a long and emotional discussion about all this the night before we would be going to synagogue with our family.

In her head, since she met me over 13 years ago I’ve never been religious. And, for at least the last 8-10 years I haven’t believed in a God. But, I am still Jewish-traditional and would still go to synagogue with her in the early days of our relationship.

She didn’t grow up religious but her family are very traditional. And, as women often do, they want the same lives for their children that they had growing up. So, I now understand that it is challenging for her to reconcile that I don’t have the same feelings that I used to.

She understands my points of view but this is a hard topic for any couple to deal with. The main reason is because you’re talking about beliefs and feelings. Both of those are deeply personal and neither can be right or wrong, only right or wrong for the individual.

I used to love and look forward to the Jewish high holidays. Partly because I would get days off school but also because I would feel a sense of community. A group of people, from similar backgrounds but from very different daily lives together in one place for a similar purpose. For some, that purpose is praying to God. For some, it’s about learning about themselves. Every person has a different reason.

As a child and then into my late twenties there were a handful of days a year when I attended synagogue and enjoyed what came along with it. As kids, we would spend 10% of the time in a children’s service “learning” and 90% of the time outside socialising. We’d play marbles, soccer or trade football cards. The vast majority of my memories are happy ones, I struggle to even think of unhappy memories.

Then around my 30’s and after a few too many whisky conversations with religious friends and a few rabbis I woke up and didn’t want any of it. After that, each year was harder and harder for me to sit there and believe in what I was reading or hearing.

A lot of my opinion change stems from religious leaders not being able to answer simple questions to explain the reason why we do certain things. They would give me a convoluted, mythical answer that made little sense. Or, they would use the term “that’s about faith.” Neither of these talk tracks could satisfy my analytical brain. How could so many billions of people blindly follow “rules” without any questions?

Almost all religious practices (rules) stem from centuries past when the world was a very different place. A much simpler place. And, all the rules come from stories written by people. Stories. Written. By. People.

Today, the reasons below are why I can’t bring myself to have faith. In my religion or any religion.Many unanswerable questions, archaic rules, homophobia, gender bias, child abuse and excuses for war and discrimination.

So, I am still ruminating on all of this to find the middle ground. What works for us as a partnership, as a family and me as an opinionated individual? If I think back on the happy times I experienced growing up attending Jewish high holidays, do I want that for my daughters? I do.Do I want them to be brainwashed into believing in God without having the chance to make decisions for themselves? I do not.

But, I had a Jewish upbringing and was still able to change my beliefs later in life as I changed. What’s to say they won’t. And, if they grow up traditional and don’t change their minds, is that a bad thing? Definitely not.

The lesson I would like them to learn is extremes of anything are bad. I don’t want them to follow anything without questioning it. This doesn’t only apply to religion.

My intention for this post was not to debate whether there is a god or gods. It is more of a commentary and discovery of what good can we take from religion. If you, like me, want to find common ground with your loved ones how can we do that?

Religion has been a cornerstone of human civilisation and can offer profound benefits to individuals and communities. It gives people a sense of purpose, a moral framework, and a community of believers to support them. Faith can be a great motivator for charity, compassion, and social justice. Many people find deep comfort and resilience through their religious beliefs, especially in times of crisis. Religious institutions can also be forces for good by creating a strong sense of community.

Going to a Synagogue, Church, Mosque, Temple or whatever your preference is forces us to spend a full day with our family with no phones, TV or distractions. Is it such a bad thing? To me, this is very much needed in society at the moment.

Do we need to pray if we’re in a religious setting? Praying can be a form of meditation.Sure, I don’t want to sit there and read a story written in an ancient form of language that doesn’t resonate with me at all. But, could I sit and think about my life, my family, and my community?The simple answer is yes.

If religion or tradition gives you a chance to disconnect from the chaos of life and connect deeply with others, then maybe that's the purpose it serves for you. Remember, in any relationship, it's not about changing the other person’s beliefs but finding a middle ground where both can stand comfortably.

So, in the maze of questions, beliefs, and traditions, we can all find a path that speaks to us. That path might not lead us to a God. But, it can lead us to something equally valuable; understanding and peace within ourselves and those we love.

Peace, love and muscles.Jazza

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